Falling All Over Again
by sorrowjoy
Summary: Pan left for a year and is coming back soon.What's the real reason she left?And will she be able to cope when she returns?Or will she be pushed over the edge to leave for good and never reuturn?What happens when Bra starts going out with Goten?Yuri PB
1. Prolouge: Running Away

Disclaimer???

If you are a homophobe turn around and walk away right now. If you just want to read a lime or lemon you'll have to wait cuz this fic is not about getting turned on. No, it is about the deep feelings one human/saiyan can have for another human/saiyan. Whatever, I talk too much, just read.

Falling All Over Again

Prolouge: Running Away

The plane started to move to the appropriate lane before takeoff as one of its stewardess checked to make sure that all passengers had their seatbelts on. Before seating herself she noticed a teenager sitting alone at one of the window seats with earphones on. She got to check if she too had her seatbelt on just in case. Good thing she did too because the young female was staring out the window and had not heard the captain's request to buckle up. "Excuse me Miss but you need to put on your seatbelt." Without acknowledging the speaker the teen slowly belted herself in and continued to gaze out the window. Satisfied, the older woman finally went back to her seat and got prepared for take off.

In less than five minutes the plane was moving smoothly away from the airport and many were looking out their windows to see the ground slowly disappear from sight as they rose higher and higher. But the teen with the earphones looked out without joy or wonder, this was nothing new to her. Instead she leaned back and closed her eyes in an attempt to actually listen to her music, but her effort was in vain. The thoughts that plagued her were still present and fresh in her mind, so was the pain she felt from her chest. She focused on that pain and tried to shut it away but it stayed like her thoughts. It felt like a black void within her, its purpose was to swallow her whole. The more she struggled against it, the stronger it became and the more damage it inflicted. She let out a deep sigh and wished for sleep to overcome her.

_Bra…if only you knew._ Images of her friends and family replayed in her memories, it happened only an hour ago.

_/flashback/_

A woman with rich dark hair stood with a man much taller than her, with tears welling up in her baby blue eyes. She reached out and wrapped her daughter in a bear hug that the man joined in with a moment later. "I want you to be good and stay safe, ok Panny. I know it's only going to be for a year but you are growing up so fast, by the time you come back you'll probably be taller than me!" Pan laughed at her mother's attempted joke and kept her own tears at bay.

"Now Pan, remember what I told you about your abilities." Her father told her in his strong but gentle tone. Pan let go of her mother for a while to tiptoe and give her dad a hug and peck on the cheek.

"Don't worry, daddy. Everything will be fine, I promise." She released her father to see her mother again. "And mom, I seriously doubt I even grow while I'm away." Everyone who heard her chuckled at the youngster's pessimism. She was 16 years of age but barely made past the five foot mark. She turned around and said her goodbyes to Krillen, 18, Bulma, Trunks, and Goten. She was really going to miss them.

"Don't forget to say bye to your favorite person now." Pan walked up to her beautiful blonde friend that she came to think of as an older sister. Marron was about four years older and was there for Pan whenever she needed help. _If only she could have helped me this time._ The two girls embraced with smiles on and broke away. At that time Pan noticed that the one person she really wanted to see before she left was at the edge of the group sitting on a bench. Marron followed her friend's sight and breathed in deeply. "You better go say bye to her before you leave. And don't worry about her; I'll still be here to look after her when you're gone."

Pan gave Marron one final hug, "Thanks and I'll miss you." She then proceeded to take the seat next to her best friend since she was born. Bra didn't look up or say anything; she only stared at the ground. The two sat in silence for a while before someone finally spoke.

"Pan, you better not forget me while you're gone." Bra said in a hushed and stern voice.

"Who could forget someone with a name like Bra?" Pan smirked. Bra hated the reference to her name as much as her father did with vegetables.Pan then did the full Son Grin, minus the head scratch, when Bra's mouth gaped open and eyes wide in disbelief. Those eyes quickly turned into slits and Pan knew this was the time to run. She got off the bench just as Bra's fist slammed down where she would have been. They took off in a child like manner running around the airport with Pan and most of the gang laughing. All of them were thinking around the same lines. They were all going to miss Pan's ability to make a bad situation funny. Then the final boarding call was announced.

_/end flashback/_

An unseen tear slid its way down Pan's cheek, then another. Silently she let them go and didn't bother to wipe them away. She didn't care if someone saw her in this state. It didn't matter to her, it felt like nothing did. She just wanted to let go of it all. _Am I doing the right thing? Leaving everyone? Should I have stayed? No, I couldn't have stayed. It was either leave now or lose everything. I mean it won't be all bad. I'll be where I've always dreamt of going and doing what I love, and it will only be a year. I can survive a year. So one year at Japan's finest literary school studying writing, my passion, while I also do all those other school subjects. It's actually kind of cool and exciting, I hope I grow at least four inches. _A faint smile touched her lips as she finally rested.

A/N:

If you have no clue what's going on and are one of those types that needs to know or you'll die of curiosity you'll wait for the next chapter. Then there are those that have already figured out what I'm writing and love it so they will also wait for the next chapter. I win either way! Peace.


	2. Ch 1: Journal Entry

I know that anyone here knows how to read and therefore have some sort of common sense telling the the obvious, I don't own DB anything.

Falling All Over Again

Chapter 1: Journal Entry

Pan walked out of the bathroom into her room in blue pajamas and stood in the middle of the room. She rotated her head slowly; laying her eyes on everything she saw and imprinted them permanently in her memory. Her room was simple with sparse furniture, like all the other dorms. She inhaled deeply and could still detect the slight traces of paint fumes. She looked at the newly white walls and wished she didn't have to paint over the murals she had worked so hard on. All students at Okinawa Writer's School were instructed to be creative when decorating their rooms, the instructors said it kept the mind open and at peace. It was really fun, she ruined her clothes from all the paint stains but it was worth it all. She had made open plains, forests, lakes, waterfalls, everything from grandma Chichi's backyard. What she was really proud of though was her design of Shenlong in the sky.

It spanned from one corner of her room to the other, took her almost a week to finish it. It had amazing detail with scales and numerous claws armed with nails. Because of her efforts her room was immediately recognized as the most colorful and she got an A. That part really surprised her and all those in her class; they didn't know decorating their rooms was counted as an assignment. Apparently they learned that anything worth doing is worth doing your best. Now all she looked at was white pristine walls, no trace of her magnificent artwork. It no longer felt like her room, it was foreign to her now even though she spent a year living in this room. Everything was clean and clear, it was empty, and that's how she felt.

Pan moved forward to turn off the main light in the room making it pitch black. With practiced ease she made her way to the bed she used and on the table to the right of it turned on a lamp. From the table she pulled out a small drawer and picked out a small black book with a pen. She sat in the bed and leaned on the wall then opened the book and flipped through its pages till she came to a blank paper. She then opened the pen and began to write in the book before she spent the last night at Okinawa Writer's School.

_Hi Journal,_

_It seems this will be the last night I spend her in this room. That is unless I decide to come back for next school year, but I don't think that will happen. I miss my family too much to leave for another year. Plus I think if I tried to leave again mom and grandma would chain me to my bed. :D Wow, I'm technically a senior now! I didn't think about that much until now, and I'll be going back to OSH. It'll be fun to see all my old friends again. But I'll also really miss my friends that I made here. So much stuff has happened here to me in just a year I wonder if I'm the same person that left home a year ago. Did I change? No, I don't think I changed much. I'm still Pan, maybe a bit more sarcastic, but still me. Did anyone back home change? Man, I'm getting butterflies just thinking about returning, will things go back to the way they used to be? As if I never left in the first place? I guess I'll just have to wait and see._

_Kami, I'm gonna miss this place soooo much! I'll miss my teachers, the staff, my afternoon jogs, playing baseball, everything. Even the disgusting food and the creepy cafeteria lady! I'll always have my memories that I will cherish. This is the place where I found myself. I found out who I am and what I want to do with my life. I became my own person here. I also got into a lot of trouble. Like Halloween Prank Night and 'borrowing' the streets sign. Ha-ha, they still don't know that I still have it! That's also around the time I had my first kiss with Kai, then my first boyfriend; followed later with my first breakup. But after all that drama we became great friends, I'm gonna miss him too. I know I'm blabbering but I'm gonna miss Mina, Jess, Jaime, Cyrus, Koga… _

_I'm scared. I know I told you before that I don't think about her anymore but I still do. She is always at the back of my mind and I'm scared to see her again. To tell the truth she is the reason I left, what will it be like to see her again. I'm over all that but I still want to be her friend, we've always been friends. What if it's been so long that we have grown apart and can't get the friendship back again? All this worrying is for nothing, It's just gonna make it hard for me to sleep. So I will say goodnight and finally go to sleep. Goodnight. _

Pan laid her journal on the table and switched the lamp off. She adjusted herself on the bed in a comfortable position on her back so she could stare at the ceiling. She was lying to herself, what she wrote in her journal was a lie. Beneath the sheets her fists tightly clenched as she dug her nails into her palm. _No matter what I always seem to lie to someone, and now I am lying to myself. Why can't I ever just say the truth?! The truth is that I never stopped thinking about her. The pain is dormant but it is still there. Why can't I just tell her what I feel? _Pan released her fists and closed her eyes to take a deep breathe. _Because I'm scared, at least I didn't lie about that part. _A tear squeezed between her shut lids and rolled off her cheek. She never let anyone see her cry, no one, but in the dark she let the tears out. Feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally drained Pan fell asleep.

A/N

Next chapter will be more interesting that these last sleep inducing entries. So aren't you curious. Whatever.


End file.
